I'm stuck somewhere between insanity and depression. Not a good place to be let me tell you. I just keep getting confused and I'm losing sight of what I want. My mind has so many things on it right now, too many to even comprehend writing down, and most I wouldn't even think of making public knowledge. There are just somethings that should be bottled up inside and never let out to anyone cause once it's out... you only end up getting hurt. Maybe that's where I'm at now... wanting to let something out and scared of the outcome. Maybe I shouldn't be. But I am none-the-less. I just wish life was easier. I used to think that as you get older, there are less and less problems to worry about. Oh how I would love to go back and enjoy that ignorance. I guess I wasn't completely wrong back then. It was easier for almost two years. *sigh* I'm a relationship kind of guy... so sue me. I just don't like the feeling of 'dating'. It really is exactly how it's put in Wedding Crashers... that awkward time when you're not sure if they're in to you, but you're into them. And then what happens if they're not? I've dealt with alot of rejection in my life, same as everyone, yet I guess I still don't know how to deal with it. I don't like taking things as they lie. If it's not how I want it to turn out I try everything in my power to make it how I want... which in the end usually blows up in my face and I'm worse off than I was before. I hate chasing, and I think I speak for almost, every man... It's not like I'm one of those lazy hunters. That just waits until they're close and then pounces... I just hate that I'm always chasing after the fastest antelope out there, and I'm not exactly a fast tiger, actually I'm the one thats starving while all the others are off tackling theirs. Maybe I set my sights too high. I try after the big game, when maybe I should just go for the weak, ugly antelope... did I say ugly? I meant injured... yeah. Gotta stick with the metaphors if I'm going to do this. Maybe I'll just try for one that I'm sure I can run down without much trouble, one that actually wants to be caught and bit in the ass. (haha I'm enjoying these metaphors now) But I'm sure I probably wouldn't be satisfied. I do enjoy a good chase, don't get me wrong. But I usually enjoy the ones where I'm sure I have a fifty-fifty shot in catching, maybe even a slimmer chance, but still a chance none-the-less. But now... I'm stuck in a race that I see no possible way to win, but regardless of that. I'm going to keep running. I'll chase until my last breath leaves my tired frame, until I fall over from exhaustion and I see that elusive girl prance off into the distance without a look behind... and watch as she get's swooped up by the lazy one, that's just sitting and waiting for her to come.

A tired predator... but I still have some more in me,

Justin